6 Ways to Seek & Give Feedback Courageously, Starting Today
Here are six key steps for seeking and giving feedback courageously in your team.
Be ready to act on the feedback you receive.
Only ask questions if you are ready to act on the input you receive. Seeking feedback courageously means both asking and responding. Asking for feedback and then doing nothing may result in consequences more dire than not asking for feedback in the first place.
For example, when organizations survey employees but don’t take direct action based on the survey results, it can damage trust. This is similar to asking peers to put in time and effort to provide you with feedback and then not taking action on what you hear. It’s likely that failing to respond will damage trust. Furthermore, be clear about what kind of feedback you want—what are you trying to achieve? Also, make sure that you are open to a response that you might not have expected. This is where your humility muscles come into play—be open about your shortcomings as well as your willingness to learn.
Be courageously vulnerable.
According to Brené Brown, it takes courage to be vulnerable. Her definition of “courage” is telling the story of who you are with your whole heart—it means accepting our own imperfections and those of others, and living in a way that shows we are all worthy of love and belonging. It is this kind of living, Brown believes, that could be revolutionary both in our homes and workplaces. Watch her TED talk on “The Power of Vulnerability” to learn more (20min Video; 12min Read). It also takes courage to show your humility and empathy in the workplace. However, when you are open with your colleagues about your strengths, opportunities for growth, and learning process, they are more likely to feel safe sharing feedback with you.
Determine specifics about who, when, what, and how beforehand.
You are more likely to seek feedback successfully and courageously if you determine specifics about the who, when, what, and how beforehand. Make sure to think about:
Who will you seek feedback from?
When is the best time to ask for this feedback?
What questions will you ask?
How will you ask for feedback?
If possible, ask for feedback face-to-face. Feedback is best delivered face-to-face rather than other methods, such as phone, email, etc.
Prepare a “When / Then” statement that defines a specific behavioral response within a critical situation.
Difficult feedback can be hard to receive even when we are trying our best to use our humility, empathy, and perspective-taking skills. Preparing a “when/then” statement in advance can help you respond in a way that is not merely reactive. For example, “When I start to feel defensive about feedback I am receiving, then I will pause, take a deep breath, and listen actively.” This allows you to create a space to acknowledge your emotional reaction, but then let it pass. When you do this, you create a context where you can actively listen to feedback and acknowledge and address the giver’s perspective.
Make giving and seeking feedback a routine practice.
Seeking feedback actively and frequently provides a reliable flow of information, which helps to increase organizational trust—and more specifically, develops trust in managers when the feedback is used to make real-time improvements.
Furthermore, when managers seek feedback regularly and with humility, they create an environment of psychological safety where the team also feels more comfortable giving and receiving feedback. When team members give each other feedback and support, it can help motivate coworkers to complete their work.
Consider the other person.
To give feedback most effectively: Tell a story, base it on data, and consider the other person in your approach. Don’t simply describe what they are doing, put it in a narrative that explains how their behavior is having an impact, and make sure you base the narrative on data. For example, you could compare the colleague’s performance against their own Key Performance Indicators.
Finally, make sure the way you give feedback considers the other person. Focus on how the receiver likes to hear feedback, not how you like to deliver it. For example, you may enjoy being direct or blunt, but your receiver may prefer a more compassionate delivery. Deliver the feedback with empathy. Negative feedback is not always easy to receive, but when delivered with empathy, the receiver will leave with more positive feelings about the conversation and will perceive you as being more effective.
Key Sources
When/then statements can help people be two to three times more likely to succeed in their plan. To find out more about this helpful tool by Gollwitzer read: Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.54.7.493
Creating a feedback routine can be difficult if we haven’t done this practice before. Try Susan J. Ashford’s ‘Feedback Seeking Checklist’ to jump-start your feedback routine: Gollwitzer, P. M. (1999). Implementation intentions: Strong effects of simple plans. American Psychologist, 54(7), 493–503. https://doi.org/10.1037/0003-066X.54.7.493
It can be hard to know how to both consider the other person and not soften difficult feedback to the point that it is no longer helpful. Read Tomas Chamorro-Premuzic’s HBR Article “Is how you deliver feedback doing more harm than good?” (2015), to learn how to: consider the other person, tell a story, and base your feedback on data. https://hbr.org/2015/08/is-how-you-deliver-feedback-doing-more-harm-than-good